we are here we are here we are

It’s Friday evening and I’m walking through the most Hasidic part of Williamsburg when I realize that means Amazing Savings (my fav dollar store) will be closed. On the way to my second choice, I see a lost boy with curls and a plastic bag over his hat walk by, and I dismissedly wonder why he’s out.

I arrive at 99 Cent Wonder with the singular purpose of purchasing a punch bowl and rushing home. Naturally though, I am distracted by all the fun cheap items. At some point, I catch sight of another Hasid hot on my trail and sniffling as I’m perusing frames (for a certain vintage alligator photo that has nothing to do with this story). I jokingly remark to myself that he’s here looking to pick up a hooker.

He continues to follow me and awkwardly picks up a frame that he pretends to inspect. I note that at least today I cannot be mistaken as such and kind of pat myself on the back for it. On the contrary, Sniffles finally decides to make his move. He approaches holding his frame and mumbles something incomprehensible in Hebrew-accustomed broken English. I raise an eyebrow as he ponders what to say next. He settles on what he deems to be an appropriate question.

“These are frame?”

He proceeds to fondle his crotch as I feign confusion. He then asks me, in Spanish, if I understand. I say, ”What?” several times in succession and laugh. He asks what language I
speak, realizes that it is indeed English, then asks why I’m laughing, and again if they are frames.

“What else would they be?”

“Just want to make sure. So they frames? Thank you.”

He smiles all too coolly and expectantly as I laugh and turn around. Then he returns the frame to the appropriate bin, rubs his little red nose, and we part.

I thought a sign of me getting old was the fact that I really wasn’t liking any new music. But thank god, I think it turns out that last year’s music just sucked, because I’m loving a lot of these new sounds/albums lately.

Unrelated: I’m also kind of horrible at blogging. Who knew?

I can’t wait til we’re all, “Remember that time when Ben Folds played a concert in Charlotte on Chatroulette and made up songs on the spot about a whole bunch of internet strangers.”

And hey, did you notice that “Charlotte” and “Chatroulette” are basically the same word?

NBD. Just control and live-stream another human being’s every action via bluetooth or texting with YouMe. Is this unfathomably shortsighted, or am I just a party pooper? Love that PSFK just called it “an unusual service,” but agree with this guy.

(youme – real world characters)

Yesterday I was walking down Greenpoint Ave. in the slightly pathetic rain and saw something (I’ve already forgotten what) that I wanted to describe (FYI, my thought process is akin to writing in a journal at all times – and yes, it gets really obnoxious), but I couldn’t do it without wanting to laugh at myself for sounding lame and memoir-y. And I came to the conclusion that one only wants to hear descriptors like “haunting” and “beautiful” and “eerie” from anonymous sources. Or when in an altered state. Likewise, it turns out that poetry when written by real, tangible personas generally comes across as creepy and contrived. It’s the reason we keep private diaries and make up identities. Why we like secret admirers better than known ones. It’s the reason the anonymity of the Internet is successful and persistent. This alternate reality is a coping mechanism and a way to perpetuate our delusions of the things we create not being stupid (or to avoid changing societal perceptions of ourselves). Unless you already seem douchey and presumptuous in real life but like a poignant genius in writing, in which case you’re welcome to hold onto that image and consider yourself among my long list of faceless online crushes.

Bobby and I were talking the other day, and we decided there needs to be an augmented reality app (I’m getting tired of hearing about them, too) dedicated to “liking” things in real life. Because sometimes I don’t feel like I need to really review things, I just want to say, “Yes, props, I like this. I like Lulu’s and their free pizza. And I would like to acknowledge that and let other people know.”

I realize that Yelp kind of does this supposedly (my poor little cracked iPhone 2G has no idea), but I want it to be simpler so that I’m just walking around and when I see something, I can pull out my phone and look through the camera and just tap it once and like it, or double tap it and dislike it. And then when other people come by and wonder if they should go in, they can just look through the app/camera and it shows 40 thumbs up and 10 down. And then the menu would have 5 thumbs up on the pesto grilled cheese and 50 down on the pickle snowcone (which should consequently probably be taken off the menu).

And in the future, maybe that guy sitting at the bar with his laptop on Saturday night would have 1 thumbs up until he gets to the foosball table and has 43 thumbs up because he’s an amazing teammate. (In which case he’s on my side and Lauren can be on David’s.)

OK GUYS? NOW MAKE THIS FOR ME. © REBLECHA&FINGERFOOD ‘09

Why had I never heard of “Design Management” before tonight? I’m researching graduate programs in Interaction Design and came across an article about designers’ salaries in 2009, and wow. What’s up, Career Objectives? Coroflot tells me that, while Interaction Design is pretty fabulous, Design Management is where it’s at. (That use of a preposition at the end of a sentence is my way of saying “Goodbye” to the prospect of getting a Masters in Journalism. And thank God, because we all know it wasn’t going to get me anywhere the way that field is headed.) Not to mention I find the idea of Design Management really interesting.

I just finished sorting my entire 95-movie-deep Netflix queue in reverse projected star rating order. (I’m now working on the Instant queue.) Why?

How I’m feeling a day after watching Antichrist:

1. It’s worse than watching porn with your parents.
2. Nevertheless, I’m not disappointed that I saw it.

The first thing I’ve been telling people when they ask about it is that it’s incredibly beautiful. The visuals are exactly what I want out of cinematography. While every single frame is breathtaking and worthy of being printed and hung on my walls, Anthony Dod Mantel (I just Googled him) is unquestionably a cinematographer rather than a director of photography. (He also did – in addition to a slew of Scandinavian films – Slumdog Millionaire and 28 Days Later, which is one of my favs.) One of my biggest film pet peeves is when scenes start like compelling photographs but feel flat and contrived translated to a medium with motion.

On a related note, I wish I had watched it on mute. The ambient sounds were fair. The music was appropriate. The writing was horrible. Laughable. In rare form, Bobby and I giggled our way through explicit sex scenes more because of the inane and unrealistic dialogue than out of immaturity.

Nevertheless, it lived up to my expectations. Which is an unusual thing for a movie to do lately (see: Where the Wild Things Are, Paranormal Activity). I watched the movie after building it up for 3 weeks wanting to be shocked, disturbed, or at the very least creeped out, and it did not let me down. I respect the movie for grossing me out and horrifying me with sadomasochism legitimately used to further the plot without being the main focus. But I think Lars von Trier has to be absurdly arrogant to think that he made a huge statement with it. I get it. Human Nature and Mourning and Desire and Self-Flagellation-as-Repentance. Cool. The script made me feel like he thinks I, personally, am an idiot. But who’s the one who used a talking fox?

As much as I would miss the dreamy forest images, I could have done without anything past the Prologue. The Prologue is moving, unsettling, and beautiful, there’s no obnoxious dialogue, and it leaves all the violent guilt to your imagination rather than spelling it out, alongside impressively realistic vulgar doodles, in washable marker on wide-ruled notebook paper.

This blog hasn’t felt very comfortable for me since I started it. I really just wanted to learn how to use WordPress. But tonight I got bored with my Netflix movie and fell in love with this theme, so I’m going to try to write more, here.

So now my plan is to re-re-redo my website, learn to use MooTools, study for the GRE, find a job, install two small black chandeliers in my bedroom, and lastly, obviously, take over the world. Any assistance is welcome.